When Dementia Caregiving Feels Like Too Much: 7 Things You Can Stop Doing

Dementia caregivers hear a lot about what they should be doing.

Sometimes, though, caregiving becomes a little more manageable when we stop doing things that aren’t helping.

Here are seven things you can give yourself permission to stop doing.

1. Stop Correcting Everything

If your loved one says something that isn’t accurate, ask yourself: Does it really need to be corrected?

If they say, “I want to go home,” instead of explaining that they’re already home, try:

“You really want to go home. Tell me about home.”

Focus on the feeling instead of the facts.

2. Stop Trying to Reason Away an Emotion

Telling someone, “There’s nothing to worry about,” may not make the worry disappear.

Instead, acknowledge it:

“I can see you’re worried. I’m here with you.”

Connect first. Then reassure and redirect.

3. Stop Doing Everything for Them

Before automatically helping, ask:

What can they still do?

Maybe they can’t prepare dinner but can set the table. Maybe they need help dressing but can choose between two shirts.

Supporting remaining abilities can help preserve independence and purpose.

4. Stop Expecting Every Day to Be the Same

Dementia can fluctuate. Something a person could do yesterday may be harder today.

Fatigue, illness, stress, hunger, noise, or changes in routine can all make a difference.

Slow down, simplify the task, and meet the person where they are today.

5. Stop Measuring a Visit by What They Remember

Your loved one may not remember that you visited.

That doesn’t mean the visit didn’t matter.

Did they smile? Laugh? Relax when you held their hand? Enjoy a favorite song?

A moment doesn’t have to be remembered to be meaningful.

6. Stop Waiting Until You’re Exhausted to Ask for Help

Instead of waiting for a crisis, make a list of specific things someone else could do:

Pick up groceries. Bring dinner. Sit with your loved one for an hour. Drive them to an appointment.

When someone says, “Let me know if you need anything,” you’ll have an answer.

7. Stop Trying to Be the Perfect Caregiver

There isn’t one.

You’ll have hard days. You’ll lose patience sometimes. Something that worked yesterday may not work today.

Instead of asking, “What did I do wrong?” ask:

“What did I learn today that might help tomorrow?”

One Thing to Try This Week

Don’t try to change everything at once.

Choose one thing from this list and try it this week.

Sometimes better dementia care isn’t about adding one more thing to your list.

Sometimes it’s about giving yourself permission to let something go.

Dementia Support Works provides practical education, guidance, and support for families navigating dementia caregiving.

Guidance • Compassion • Clarity